The oxymorons of my life ....

Why do I seek to escape when the heart desires to stay?
Why does it hurt so much when everything is so perfect?

Each time failure, like venom, fetters me firmly to the ground

I tend to fly to reach the sky and
grab the moon and search for nectar.

I conquer the battle of life with a superior detachment

yet I connect and attach to every single emotion and

accept defeat in my every day struggle!
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Deafening, ear splitting whispers of my past

create a castle of memories

And I live to die.

Yet promises of future lure me towards a horizon

making reality and dreams meet

And I die to live!
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I stand in a chaos of a market place

And think of his twinkling mischievous eyes

those create a soothing gentle silence around my heart.

Then, I am among the serene magnificent
stillness of the mountains

and perceive his vibrating resonant caressing voice 

that creates a pandemonium in my senses.
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So – called friends would vouch for such pure love

and I would observe, turning away in disgust,

their roving ugly eyes searching for my bareness

underneath all the layers of clothes .

But I would be caught in the magic of those tranquil eyes

and rush to clothe his body with my nudity in burning fire!
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I travel a full circle to mark an end to my journey

And suddenly a promising pair of eyes

Make me prepared for a new beginning!

That groovy dimpled smile make me yearn for a new future

with lots of promise and hope for a fresh birth.

Yet often in the night among the pitch dark silence

the bottle of sleeping pills on my shelf start a serpent dance

luring me, enticing me,

towards a peaceful permanent end!
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My destiny ..

I struggle for detachment

dissolving all fasten of love

I try to strangulate life

crush love

and suffocate passion,

to conquer my soul and

live today …

But how would I forget you,

my another soul?

For haven’t I wore you

within my blood and in my core?

I live you in my every breath,

I die in that pulsating pause

of your kiss.

I want to remain with you

as I remained attached to my mother’s womb.

And with a scary minute of realization

It dawns on me,

I have no one else as my own

I have nowhere else to go

for you are my destiny and

you are my shore.

My futile efforts of detachment mock me now

as with each passing moment
I tend to mark a beginning
in the end,

the myself in me

ache to cling to you

Today … and .... tomorrow.

Tribute to Valium 25mg

I allow you to come close to me
in the secret silent night;
you are the one for whom
I burn my pride!
Come dissolve into me,
wreck my soul, shatter my dreams,
embrace me in the comfort of your coffin,
play on and numb my senses,
hide my eyes that reflect pain,
help me crawl into my mother’s womb
a new beginning to gain,
burn my heart so that all remains are its ashes.
 I carry you in my sluggish vein
and just resign to my daily chores
In a dead passive existence
as I wait to be one with you just one more time
in the dark dead silences of the night.


Engulf my being like the first raindrop,
like weightless murmurs,
like the soft footsteps of a child.
Poison my core and sing me a lullaby
in a peaceful deadness belie.
Come to me in the ebbing joy of night’s descent
in a perfect bliss, sharp and tainted
when vivacious torturous emotion lay nude
and paranoia of memories create havoc,
mother me to a hushed solitude and
carve a niche for me among the throes of death
where composed tranquility is construed.

let me live!

As I sit alone with the jigsaw puzzle in my hand in that disquiet shed of your house, there is this hissing sound into my ears, 'sleep, sleep'.
Having being accused so much, now I am mute. But there is a peculiar strength in my silence now.
You ask me questions but now I have no answers.
You have given me enough. You have gifted me insomnia, sleeping pills, grey hair, wrinkles, frowns along with those never ending diamond studs, high design leather bags, gucci and nina richi.
Now I just want to gift you the strength to leave me.

I love to talk - 4

History of hairy tale -

I have been always fairly fascinated with my appearance (like most other human beings) and my tryst with my tresses took a long portion of it. Though I have been pretty tomboyish in my attitude yet all my sense of feminine grace culminated in my passion with my hair style.
During my college days and post graduation, my mom wanted me to have long hair, with a dictum of no cutting, no trimming and of course, I had hair till my waist, and its long silky length was a matter of pride for me. The ritual of oiling the hair with coconut oil and a rigorous massage of the scalp by my mom was a sticky mess but I would all through maintain my patience as that would make my hair look good.
And later after marriage, with my new found independence (highly debatable, though) the hair dressers would refuse to cut my long shiny and healthy hair, but somehow I would convince them! My experiments with my hair more or less started since then and are still continuing. I have got my hair permed root to end, completely and now only around the end! I have got streaking done and then a never ending process of various cuts, long steps, short steps, razor cut, 'V' and 'U' shape, layers and what not.
Now I realize that there has always been this interesting connection between my hair and my mood swings. It has been like if I can’t change my life situations at least let me change my hair style.
ME AND MY EVER RESTLESS MIND!

tips for women to resist hair fall and delay gray hair :

Put cut pieces of ridge gourd (12 - 15 small cut pieces), thrice a pinch of fenugreek seeds, curry leaves (sufficient numbers), pieces of Indian gooseberry (dry or raw) in a cup of coconut oil and let it boil and then simmer for a while. Let it cool till a tolerable warmth and then massage the oil on your scalp. Leave overnight before shampoo wash. repeat the process at least twice a week. you can store the preparation in fridge for a week or so but remember to boil it well each time before use.