monologue of a misfit ...

I have been a misfit

I could never fit in.

The older generation has been a bit too rigid,

the younger suffers from a ‘junk’ disorder,

and I hang in between like the Trishanku.

When small, all the girls in the neighborhood

found me odd, for

I had preferred to sit alone at a corner of the terrace

counting and observing the ants in a row.

They wanted to become doctor, engineer, pilot and what not,

but I always fancied to be the sun ray that used to come inside

the class room in askance.

Rubbished love while a beautiful teenager,

ridiculed nuptial bond after 18 years,

joined political club but was thrown out for being too analytical

attended the lady’s club but was hated

for never being able to notice a gold ornament or a costly dress

or for being un womanly enough to insist on siesta!

Tried to be religious but faith and belief is so prodigious!

Strove to become like everyone else

yet preferred to talk to a tree for hours together;

carried a broad happy grin when wanted to cry out loudly

sobbed when the happiest!

I have been an outcast, always

a block that never could fit in.

and like this, Time piles up

like this, time lies crushed

and

the dark holes around me grow in numbers;

vacuums and emptiness!

And now,

the meaning of life

stumble and fall into those holes

and is irretrievably lost.

posted for MAGPIE TALE 54