Sunday, April 4, 2010

My last letter

a letter to a friend .....

you asked me if I am happy! I can not answer your question as I am no longer sure I know what happiness is! All I realise is, it isn't what I thought it to be! Perhaps it has something to do with love but I am not sure anymore! And the funny thing is even 'love' seems to be something different than what I thought it is! May be we could have figured it out while drinking tea together, had you waited for me! I feel like telling you so many things, stories of my known and unknown errors and tales of all my half baked dreams and half hearted efforts. I could have told them as fairy tales are being told, without any guilt or blame but out of sorrow and hope. But now you are too far away to listen to me, aren't you?
you have asked me to love him! I do find it very strange when you ask me to give him another chance, to start afresh! Dont you know that a dead love is just like a dead body? It starts rotting even as you try to hold on to it, crying. and after that you are only left with fetor and nothing else!
Guess I didn't tell you about this peculiar sensation in my chest. it is like my ribs are being sawed away and strangely it started after you left! I keep feeling as if my life has closed even before its end. I still cant stop blaming you for going away. I am still in the process of 'moving ahead' and hope some day it would be possible.
And yes, do not write to me anymore. Each time I hear from you, it is kind of a set-back. If you really want to help me then please learn to leave me alone. Believe me, soon I am going to rise like a phoenix bird and some day among these hatred and sorrow and soot and rubble I will manage to perceive my paradise on earth. May be on that day I will smile and write to you one more time. :)

[the above is an attempt towards my creative writing, my efforts to free my soul! someday i would write a novel and would add up these straythoughts into a bigger scheme... wish me luck! ]

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