Tuesday, April 20, 2010

...........The Word Love ....................

I search for my lost love, every night, tiptoeing around the house. They think I sleep walk! Every night I would roam around in the dark. The darkness would press against me, wave after wave, like a colossal black sea. Sudden fear parches my throat. I desperately want to go back to the warm comfort of the bed. Yet I know that I would have to go on. I would have to keep searching till I find that lost love. The darkness thick and vicious persists.

I search everywhere; inside the bedroom, the cupboards, the stack of dishes in the kitchen, the shoe rack, among clothes and toys, refrigerator, closet, I would keep searching in every nook and corner. And at the end of it, tired and depressed when I would come back to bed it is already the orange dawn knocking at my window. I stare outside at the share of my bluish orange sky and wonder if I had by mistake let that love get merged into the wide! I should have been more cautious and I know tonight I would have to search for it all over again.

He tells me to consult a doctor, gives me sleeping pills. I can sense the irritation on his stiff shoulders. I promise not to disturb his sleep again yet quietly throw away those pills into the dust bin, for I know that I have to continue my search. I have got to find out those lost love words and those forgotten caresses.

I am not sure exactly when they were lost! Was it the day when he came back from office and wanted me to go to the pub and I refused? Or was it when he asked me to move away as I was blocking his view in my childlike enthusiasm when he wanted to watch his favorite news channel? Or was it the day when he pushed aside the meal I cooked in anger? May be it was the day when the doctor told me that I am pregnant again and I dared to argue with him to keep the baby! I am not sure. All I know is that I have got to find out my lost love! Not for anyone else but for me. So that I can smile again like the passionate lightning, so that my laughter sounds like the tinkling stream one more time.

There are no people in my search; neither him nor anyone else. It is just about that word ‘love’, a word that I have never understood before, a melting, sighing warm word. Someday I will find it out and it would be like rain. I would lift my face up to it and like rain it would wash away all those frowns and creases, leaving me fresh and ready to begin.

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